Today’s topic – nearly getting arrested while running. This actually happened to me yesterday.
I was running down a busy road in my neighborhood, against traffic, on the shoulder, lost in my thoughts and being the law-abiding citizen that I am. A little yappy dog on the other side of the street started barking like crazy, and running up and down the length of its yard. All of a sudden, the dog goes crazy, runs across the street (nearly getting hit by cars in the process), and starts chasing me. It’s snapping its little jaw, and snarling, and gaining on me quickly. All I can think is, if this stupid little dog bites my new-ish Brooks shoes, I’m going to kick its ass. I pick up my tired, leaden legs and haul ass down the street. I sprinted for a couple of blocks, at least.
Nearly 3 miles later, I’m running down a side street in another town. I’m at my turnaround point and am heading towards home, when a cop car from the other town sidles up next to me.
Cop: Excuse me, can I talk to you for a second?
Me [pauses Garmin, wipes sweaty forehead]: Sure.
Cop: Were you running on [Suburban] Road a little while ago?
Me: That I was.
Cop: Do you have any identification on you?
Me [gestures to running outfit]: No. I don’t really have pockets.
Cop: We got a call from someone who says that a runner kicked her dog in her yard.
Me: I mean, I was chased by a dog that was trying to bite me. [Explains story from above]. If I kicked it, it wasn’t intentional.
Cop: So you were on the other side of the street?
Cop: Did anyone else see you?
Me [snickers]: Probably the person who almost hit the dog with their car when it ran across the street.
Cop: Well, maybe, if you see the dog in the yard, you should just run somewhere else.
Me: Wait a second – you’re telling me that since someone can’t train their dog properly or put it on a leash or get an invisible fence, I have to find an alternate route? This is a main thoroughfare in town!
Cop: Yes. Just stay away from them.
Cop: And if you kick the dog again, we’re going to have to charge you with animal cruelty. [Drives away]
This is what happens when you run with meat in your pockets. (That part isn’t true, I didn’t have anything in my pockets except my Belly card and the key to my mailbox.)
The suburbs are dangerous, yo. Little yappy monsters everywhere. Be careful!